A YOUNG GIRL’S JOURNEY OF IMAN
Why it takes too long to be in the journey?
She is young, she is a student, but between family, college, and basic necessities of life, she got lost. She said, “I want to be.” She is honest, she wants to be. She has a beautiful heart, a beautiful soul, she really wants to be.
But later on, from strength to weakness, from quality to lack of quality, her imaan went down. Her excuses increased. And I feel sad and I worry for her. She can be somebody; she has the will and the strength inside. But, she believes she cannot make it.
The condition around her overwhelmed her. The surrounding environment, the upbringing, the culture, everything is pointed against her. She tries to be good; she tries to please everyone.
And little by little, she was so good, trying to be good to everyone until she lost herself.
- She didn’t think about herself
- She forgot herself.
- She forgot her own goodness.
- She forgot her own journey of iman.
- She forgot she’s a human being. She needs goodness too.
- She forgot she needs to receive in order to give.
- She forgot herself,
- She forgot Allah,
- She forgot who she is, what she is here for, what her goal in life is. What she wants to accomplish.
- She forgot goodness--without a goal, without priority-- is a waste.
I told her, “Let’s analyze what happened.” And this is the conclusion.
- She started her journey. She started reading, developing her iman, She’s growing and developing her quality.
Her teacher told her, “Hold tight. Develop yourself. Save your time. Save yourself. Don’t talk. Don’t volunteer advice. Do a lot of zikr. A lot of dua. Don’t rush.”
She didn’t listen.
Her nafs, her shaitaan, made her hurry. She wanted to do, she wanted to talk. Before you know it, opposition after opposition came. Problem after problem. Condition after condition. She could not take it. She didn’t have the strength, the knowledge, the wisdom, the iman, the ability to be. Now, she felt down, she could not take it. And she fell down. She could not take it.
She went back to her own genetic problem. With the help of shaitaan and her nafs. “You’re not good. You have no quality.” They put her down and the outcome was bankruptcy of confidence about herself. Or about her ability, or about her quality.
Now, she entered to the spider’s web of her own weakness and the whisper of shaitaan. And she surrendered to all the whispers-- she believed it. She believed, “I cannot do it.” She believed “There’s no way out.” She believed, “I have no time.” She believed, “I have no quality.” She believed, “It is me, I’m always a coward. This my habit. This is my genetic. I cannot make it. I have to surrender to the condition.” She said, ”This is my qadr, this is my destiny.
What do you want me to do?” (the whole Ummah says the same thing. Male and female. Old and young.
Every time we face a problem we say, “What do you want me to do?”). She believed she doesn’t have it. Now it’s close to three years. She’s not going anywhere. She cannot even benefit herself. She has no time for herself. She even forgot she exists. Like a tree needs water, needs nutritious value to be a producer, similarly she forgot she needs to be nourished and fed and be given, in order to give. She forgot the cup only gives you what is inside. Now, she is in a high speed cyclone of defeat after defeat, stereotype after stereotype. It’s coming from the hidden teacher, the unseen teacher; Her enemy, shaitaan (Satan), and the weakness of her own.
I asked her, “Do you want to continue? Is this what you want?” She said, “No. but I do not know where I should start.”
- We start from the beginning of the journey, When she disrespect the advice of her real teacher.
The one who wanted her to get closer to Allah, the one who sees beautiful quality that can be developed, who saw a hidden, small tree that needed to be watered and nourished in order to grown in order to give, and benefit for a long time. What she went through, a lot of people go through. I asked her to analyze her faults and her mistakes, in order to learn from it. She said,” I used to read, do zikr. Have some time between me and Allah. I built beautiful iman, I started developing quality, but I hurried.”
I told her, “You see, hurrying is from arrogance, and the ego of the nafs. Shaitaan
wants to break you before you start. And when you are broken you complain about others. She always complained, “I am busy, I have no time,” I said to her, “You are in the golden time of your life. You have a beautiful opportunity. You are young. You have all the energy. You have no children, you’re not married, you do not have too many jobs. But every time we meet somebody, everyone has the same sentence, ‘I have no time.’” But this sentence is as lie. We have the time, but we do not have the priority. And we do not have the set of sequence to do. If we take one issue at a time and we respect our ability, and we take one good deed at a time, one action at a time, we respect ourselves and respect others, we can do more in the long run. By this way, we learn that
- she did not listen to her own teacher’s advice
- she listened to the enemy of Allah and her teacher- shaitaan
- she listened to the whispers and deception, and she believed in her own weakness and all the surrounding conditions and she gave up.
- All that is said is a disease of getting away from Allah,
- from guidance
- lack of iman,
- lack of proper knowledge,
- lack of quality,
- lack of the obedience to the right advice in the right time and trying to be good in a hurried manner, without discipline and advice.
- I asked her, “What took you so long? Why didn’t you make an effort to be or to change?”
She said,” I always believed I am a failure. I start to do, I get tired, I fail, I discontinue, and I will not have zeal or a desire to try again.”
I asked her, “Where does it come from? She said, “Lack of confidence. I do not trust myself. I do not believe I can do it.”
My answer: “All of the above is a result of the lack of iman, lack of the knowledge of Allah, the wrong upbringing, the lack of environment, lack of support, lack of the right companions to support and guide you, to help you, to consult and seek wisdom. But, all that can happen. And you might not find the right person. Or even when we find him we do not have the quality to obey and listen. Where does all this come from? Some hidden diseases of the heart. Watered with the ugly, dirty water of shaitaan. To always give you or make you in the state of defeat.
All of what you heard can be corrected. All you have to do is go to Allah. He will guide you. Seek the knowledge of Allah. Trust in Allah. Seek the quality of Allah. He’s the only one who can switch all your weaknesses to strengths. All your flaws to positives. All your fears and uncertainties and lack of confidence to security, power, assurance, and tranquility.
Meaning, a mu’min always has a hope. Allah never dies, never becomes sick, is never absent. He is always with you if you call Him. In any moment, you can say, “Enough is enough,” And make steps towards Him. He will open for you. He will switch conditions, He will make it easy for you. He will give you the ability. He will give you light, knowledge, wisdom, ability, means. He can give you blessing in your own time and even in the most hardship or difficulty or major obstacle, He can open for you. All of the above is normal condition. It goes according to your status of Imaan
From the time of the Prophet SAW until today, this is called “Waqfatul tarbiyyah.” Meaning, Allah SWT wants to check your sincerity, honesty, your truthfulness of wanting Him and seeking Him only. He wants you to believe in Him, to seek support from Him. All this and what we said is to develop you. Your quality, your patience, your belonging to Allah, your faith. He is sifting the majority to choose a few. The one who survives and goes in a journey of belief against all the odds, internal, external, from themselves to outside. It’s all the beginning of the journey of iman. The lucky one is he who drops all this and believes in Allah, and believes He can switch all what he worries about, even his own genetic faults. And He can give you the strength and all that you want, even what you desire, because He can give you the happiness of this life and the hereafter.
(Please refer to articles, “What Allah love and hates” and view “The Journey of Iman: From Darkness to Light” series). Listen to the names of Allah. Read them. Comprehend them. Believe in them. Call Allah with them. He’s the owner of all qualities. Any minus you have, He will switch it for you.
Oh my young girl, forgive me. But you are a liar. You are not honest., you are not genuine. I do not believe you. I do not believe in your genetics I do not believe in your upbringing. I do not believe in a thing you complain about.
I believe in Allah.. He promises He is the Master, the Creator, the Guardian, our Lord, the One who, if we call Him, He will accept and He will open for us. Oh young girl, wake up big time. Don’t surrender to your own stereotype. Don’t surrender to even your own thoughts. Your thoughts and what you believe in comes from shaitaan. The Satan, the enemy of Allah, the owner of defeat, the owner of poverty, the owner of weakness. he will make you tight, uptight, and believe there is no way out.
Now you are going to the state of believe and shirk, association with Allah. Do you want that? She screamed at me and she said, “No! I love Allah! I want Allah. I want to work for Allah!” I said, “At this moment, you have no other way except to stop it. And you have to go forward. Start remembering Allah, believing in Allah, and have strong small, steps towards Allah. Don’t hurry.”
Important notes: every time I talk to her like that, she start talking to me about all the obstacle that will happen, that might happen and all in the movie of the future directed by the director, shaitaan. And she allowed herself to be trapped in that.
I tell her, “A mu’min does not think or worry about the future, or what can happen or what might happen. A mu’min believes in Allah, trusts in Allah, believes ‘Allah will be with me.’” Thinking about the future with negativity is a defeat. It’s a lack of iman, it’s paralysis.
The only thing you need to do is step towards Allah, make physical steps toward good deeds, and always do the opposite of what Shaitaan tells you to do. Meaning, do the opposite of what you fear and what you worry about. A mu’min has no doubt, no fear, no uncertainty, no worry, no weakness. A mu’min is strong because he believes in Allah and one of Allah’s attribute is He is the Strong, Al Qawwi. According to your connection with Allah the Almighty, the more you will have all the quality and strength you are looking for.
The more you get away from Allah, the more weak you become. And after that, shaitaan decorates your weakness with excuses and re-labeling with different circumstances and conditions, and even knowledge. To deceive you and defeat you. Now, my final advice young girl. You have two choices. Only two. Either listen to me, renew your journey to Allah, be patient, listen to me, seek my advice and my consultation. Do a lot of zikr, don’t think, be quiet. And just do. Or, surrender to your weakness, to shaitaan, and his whispers and you will be defeated. I wish you to choose the road to Allah. To success, to happiness, to strength to ability to be for sabeelillah.
It is your niyyah. It is your intention. It’s the willingness to be, the desire to be. The wish to be. And the sincere intention you have. This is the only thing you have to conquer. If you conquer your intention, the rest is easy. And if your intention has a problem your future has many problems. Niyyah is your own power. Your own success.
If you believe you are sincere, and you are sincere in your intention, and you cannot accomplish what you want to accomplish and achieve, but you still believe in Allah, trust in Allah, give no excuses, no blames, you are already an achiever. You have iman. And sooner or later, Allah will give you what you want, or even higher. Allah promises. And I trust in the promises of Allah.
On the other hand, if you blame others, blame conditions, blame the surrounding, even blame yourself and your ability-- any blaming or any excuses this is a sign of something wrong deep down in your iman and your intention.
She asked me, how do I purify my intention?
Before we purify our intention, if the iman is not strong, we cannot see. Or shaitaan will make us confused about our intention. This way, to purify your intention, you need to purify your iman. And you need to question yourself. Do I really do this only for Allah? If the answer is Yes, in this case, where is the problem?
I should have no problem, no worry, no fear, no delay, no calculation, no doubt, no uncertainty. Just action. If I go back and forth and keep thinking about it, or going back and forth even inside myself, its not pure.
And by the way, to answer this question is a journey of iman by itself. My advice to you, be open, be honest, go to somebody you trust and consult. When you are alone make a lot of dua. Consult Allah. Ask Him to purify your intention. Ask Him to put in your heart the pure intention. If your niyyah, if your intention in the time of dua is sincere, the rest will be sincere. And this has two enemies.
Meaning, either I like the issue or I do not like it. I love it, or I hate it. Or, I debate whether or not it will be beneficial, if it’s good or not. And I keep going back and forth, calculating or miscalculating. Thinking about what can happen, what might happen, and so forth. Which, if we go back to what we said earlier, is all from shaitaan.
- Your feeling, your emotion
- your mentality, your thinking.
It is our emotion and the involvement of our emotion to supersede even the knowledge, advice, and messages of Allah. Or, the arrogance and lack of belief driven by over analyzing. (People who believe they are so intelligent, they usually calculate everything, plan everything, everything has to be precise and always go back and forth tying to analyse whatever it is according to their knowledge, understanding, calculation and what may happen or can happen is all mentally but they forget all what they are thinking can be estimation only by number and they forget Allah.) And also, to constantly think about different aspects of the future, which belongs to Allah.
On the other hand. If my iman goes down, now my emotions go up, my diseases go up, my arrogance goes up,all of the above goes up, and I lost to my shaitaan , to my nafs, I lost to this life and the hereafter.
For eg: if you are too emotional you take care about everything in your life with your feeling up or down and if you believe you are so intelligent you take care about everything in life with thinking. Imaan is a thermometer to allow you to balance between both. With vision, inspiration, guidance, light and wisdom from Allah. ( Open only for Mu’min)
All this is up and down with feelings and emotions or arrogance and thinking without Imaan without relying in Allah, without believing in Allah, this is a state of Arrogance, Misery and make you wonder, stuck, feel so down, I cannot make it or so arrogant – I can make anything. And this the recipe of disaster.
This is a struggle. It will always happen, and always will be according to the status of iman. If the status of iman goes up, all the above go down. And life becomes easy, peaceful, and I can see. Because iman is light, vision, comprehension, ability to distinguish between right and wrong.
Feeling too bad or feeling too good is from shaitaan. A mu’min doesn’t feel he is so good. A mu’min doesn’t feel he is so bad. Any extreme belief about a good or bad characteristic is from shaitaan. Analyze yourself. If you feel you are so bad, what does it mean? You do not believe in Allah, you do not believe in the forgiveness of Allah. You do not believe Allah can give you. This is actually the status of the one who despairs from the mercy of Allah, which always will be the loser, the disbeliever.
On the other hand, if I believe I am so good - I’m arrogant. I’m in a hurry, I will be stubborn, I will not correct myself, and I will keep going. And shaitaan can always take you from one to the other and make you fluctuate from one extreme to another extreme.
All of the above do not belong to the Momin
Can you see the beauty of iman? Yes we will see always, We will have to go back to the journey of iman. We need real, strong iman. Iman is the scale that will help us balance everything in life. The one that gives us the humbleness and humility. This way, I always go to Allah, in a state of strength and ability. I will thank Allah and return everything to Allah. I will humble myself to Allah. And if I do so, He will increase.
And if I feel weak or like a sinner, or so lost, again I humble myself to Allah and believe in Allah and trust in His rahmah, believe in His wide forgiveness. He will hear me. He will take care of me and I must believe that He will switch my condition.
Do you see again? It’s only iman. In a hadith qudsi, meaning the word of Allah, Allah said, (which means) “Whoever makes an effort to please Allah with the anger and displeasure of the people, Allah will take care about the people for him. He will take care of all the conditions and He will protect him and guard him from all of the above. And if the son of Adam tries to please people with the anger of Allah, Allah will make him a slave to them, and make them his enemy. And Allah will be angry at him.”
Choose which one you want to be.
If you want to know where you are, go look to the conditions around you. If you become the master of the condition-- calm, content—and you see Allah has given you the upper hand, and everybody respects you and you have dignity, then you are on the right track.
On the other hand, if you have a hostile environment and you are losing your emotions, your manner, your ability to be, it is a state of disgrace. Again, don’t blame anyone, just go to Allah.
You be for Allah, Allah will be for you.
You be with Allah, Allah will be with you.
You work for Allah, Allah will work for you.
You love Allah, Allah will love you.
You be a slave to Allah, Allah will make everything your own slave.
All of the above is a summary of many ahadith and many Ayaat of Qur’an.
DA'EE AHMED MOAIT
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